How To Overcome Your Inner Critic - 10 Powerful Strategies

“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.”- Lori Deschene

You have between 60-80,000 thoughts a day. That’s 60-80,000 chances to build yourself up or tear yourself down.

As a coach I often hear, ‘I just wish I wasn’t so hard on myself’, ‘I’m so nice to other people but so hard on myself’, 'I just never feel good enough', 'I care too much what others think'. Their inner critic is definitely in the driver's seat.

So many of us are quietly and privately extremely hard on ourselves

Like my clients, most of my life has been spent trying to escape a really harsh inner critic. I even traveled to some 45 countries and I can tell you now, my inner critic followed me to EVERY.SINGLE.ONE.OF.THEM.

Lying on a beautiful white-sand beach in Zanzibar sipping a cocktail with the waves crashing in the background my inner critic would suddenly pounce, 'What are you doing with your life? Yea this place is amazing but you're still single and times ticking! PS: Remember that big argument you had last year? You really need to go over that again, what you should have said....!'.

Que the shame spiral that sucks you out of this pristine perfect present moment and sends you smack bang into stress city......

Here's the hard truth, you will never get the years back spent self-hating. Imagine getting to the end of your life and realising that there was nothing wrong with you all along. What a waste of a life spent criticising yourself, others, and everything about your life.  

It is so important to learn how to manage your inner critic because our thoughts affect our actions, behaviour, attitudes, and eventually the results that we get in life!

It doesn’t matter how cruel your inner critic may be, you absolutely can overcome it. If I can, anyone can! In this blog, I’m going to talk to you about the role of your inner critic and why ignoring it is the worst thing you can do!

Download your FREE 5 Steps to Tame Your Inner Critic Workbook here!

What is The Inner Critic?

Your inner critic is the negative internal running commentary in your mind. It is made up of all of the judgments (or perceived judgments) that you internalised as truths over time. The destructive thought patterns you subconsciously learnt as a child, left unchecked, will control the direction of your life.

Your inner critic can be repetitive, persistent, and irrational. it's like a bad song that you just can't get out of your head. The more you try the worse it gets. It reminds you of your mistakes, inadequacies, and failures. It hates uncertainty, vulnerability and can really magnify your insecurities. Sometimes it's disguised as motivational.

Its core message is 'I'm inferior, incompetent, unlovable or unwanted. It is rooted in fear, shame, guilt, and worry.

Early childhood experiences massively shape our subconscious mind and core beliefs about ourselves, other people, and the world around us. These are formed at a time when we have limited emotional, cognitive, and reasoning skills. This is where your limiting beliefs come from.

Our brain functions on a confirmation and negativity bias. This means that it is always confirming and searching for evidence to prove its theories.

Stories like:

'The only way to receive love and attention is through achievement'

'The only way to receive love is to stay invisible'

'The only way to feel okay and receive love is to make sure that everyone else is happy'

The stories that helped you survive in childhood cause you to sabotage as an adult.  

Your subconscious mind created these to help protect you. They have been reinforced throughout your life. Left unchecked these stories can subconsciously run and ruin our lives as adults.

Your Stories Create Your Reality

These core beliefs lead to a negative internal commentary that sounds like:

• You’re such a loser/failure

• Nobody likes you/cares about you

• You’ll never go far so don’t even try!

These negative stories about ourselves then become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our brain is wired to confirm what we tell it and ignore information that goes against it. Subconsciously you keep attracting people, circumstances, and problems that confirm these beliefs. 

Negative self-talk will never give you the life you desire.

“Let go of the knife you are holding at your throat, the knife of shame, blame, fear and remorse.”- Elizabeth Gilbert

Your Inner Critic Is Not The Problem

Here's the thing, self-criticism is really common. We all have an inner monologue that is narrating our lives. Thoughts and emotions are involuntary and just part of how our mind and body works.

The real problem is the unobserved mind. Negative thoughts can turn into facts if they’re not observed. When our inner critic is triggered it can send us into an overwhelming wave of self-criticism. Criticism can be healthy and motivating. The problem is when your inner critic turns from constructive to destructive.

Ignoring your Inner Critic Is The Worst Thing You Can Do

A subconscious inner critic leads to self-sabotage.

Clients come to me looking to ‘silence’ or ‘get rid of their inner critic. Here’s the thing, you will never get rid of your inner critic. The more you resist your inner critic the more it persists.

It plays a really important role. At its core, your inner critic is trying to get your needs met and keep you safe. Self-doubt is self-protection. Your inner critic cares more about your belonging than it does about your big dreams. That's why

Learn to manage it with these mental-strength strategies that actually work so you're in control of it rather than it being in control of you.

 10 Powerful Strategies To Get Your Inner Critic On-Side