4 Steps to Lifelong Magnetic Confidence

Do you feel like even though you are reading all the books, taking all the classes, listening to all the podcasts but aren’t living the life of confidence that you are dreaming of? 

I got you! 

With my experience in coaching confidence in my clients and myself, I have come up with four words and steps to help you become a more confident you! 

FIRST OFF… 

I need to tell you that confidence is NOT some magic exclusive elixir that only famous people have. We often put famous people on a celebrity status of an unattainable being and say to ourselves “wow I could never do that!” That, my friend, is a lack of confidence. Most celebrities are just as scared as you are to do something but do it anyway! That is the difference between you and them. Taking action regardless of feelings is the only difference. 

Confidence causes a rollercoaster of other emotions to rise up. If you lack confidence you can have anxiety, depression, anger and so many other emotions that can decrease if your confidence increases. For example, let's say that you are attending an event and you are having severe anxiety around it. Is it that you have anxiety for absolutely no reason? Or, you have a lack of confidence to be surrounded by a lot of people, lack confidence for a lot of attention, have lack confidence to perform?  For some of my clients if you get to the root of the anxiety it is usually a lack of confidence driving it. 

Here Are 7 Signs that You Lack Confidence

1. You feel less than others. 
2. You are unsure of what you believe or think.
3. You talk yourself in and out of things. 
4. You are not aware of your own potential. 
5. You feel like everything is an attack from others and come off very defensive. 
6. You are constantly people-pleasing in order to give yourself value. 
7. You are in a constant state of judgment of others, whether you feel that they are “above you” or “below you”. 

So now you are realizing that you lack confidence in yourself or you already knew that, now what? You have to change your action in order to to get a different result! I tell myself this all the time, “Claire, get out of your own way and take action!”. In order to get to a point where you can work on your confidence, we need to understand what confidence means. 

• CONFIDENCE IS: A positive feeling about yourself, ideas, opinions, and worth. 
• CONFIDENCE IS: Feeling pride in yourself and the way you live your life. 
• CONFIDENCE IS: NOT a need to prove yourself to anyone but a place of security in the fact that no one is above you or below you. 
• CONFIDENCE IS: Taking care of yourself, your needs, your life, in a way that aligns with your core values. 

“Confidence is not the absence of fear, anxiety or other emotions, it is that acceptance of their existence but not allowing them to drive your life/actions/decisions.”

Did you know that studies have shown that confidence is 50% genetic and 50% is in our control? That means that we can learn to believe in ourselves whether our “family” systematically is not a confident group of people. We are actually born pretty fearless and then taught to diminish that power! You probably don’t remember yourself when you learned how to walk but we know there are MANY falls when a baby learns to walk but they keep trying! 

“Just like you learned to doubt yourself, you can learn to believe in yourself.”

There are usually two types of people who lack confidence. Those that wear it as an identity. Meaning you identify with a lack of confidence as a part of who you are, or may not even realize that you lack confidence but are living with other emotions that you could be wearing as an identity. The second type of person is someone who lacks confidence but reads books about gaining confidence, listens to podcasts, and has knowledge of lacking confidence but does not follow through with changing actions. I call this, procrastalearning! Let me tell you, this is not your fault and I lived with this for many years! It is very hard to change habits, thoughts, actions, and create a whole new you by yourself! Creating life-long skills of being in charge of yourself and your life is a daily practice and active action. Once you learn it, you cannot unlearn it. 

“There is a major gap between knowing and doing” 

Here are 4 Life-Long Skills to Becoming a Better, More Confident YOU! 

(keep these four I words in mind every day as you build your confidence) 

• Identity: Create and build your identity. Ask yourself, Who am I? I speak on this a lot and it is very important to my life, my clients, and generally everyone. Create your core values and build your life around them. Your core values are what makes you happiest and what matters most to you. 

• Integrate: Do not ignore/numb/suppress problems, pain, your past. Create space from your feelings/thoughts and diffuse them. You can feel a feeling but you are not that feeling. When you have negative thoughts or are struggling in pain, feel it, let it go, and then integrate. 

• Interrupting: What you want to do with your inner critic and fear is to acknowledge that they are there but do not let them drive your car. Create thoughts that are interrupting the pattern of negative thoughts. Such as, I am scared but it is in the back seat of my car and not driving. 

• Implementing: Lastly, I like to say that we cannot think or read our way into confidence, there needs to be action behind it. A good way to do this is to keep small promises to yourself every day. Many people create these large goals and then beat themselves up for not attaining them (which results in decreased confidence).

XO,

Claire

P.S. Want more information on building confidence check out the podcast on Apple or Spotify!
Also join me in The Magnetic Confidence Movement!