Boundaries: Getting Over the Guilt of Putting Yourself First (and why boundaries benefit everyone!)
Welcome to the Women of Worth Podcast with Claire Fealy!
In today’s episode we are discussing healthy boundaries, the signs that you lack boundaries, and why setting boundaries feels scary. We are going to talk about the benefits of healthy boundaries for yourself and others, and managing and understanding the guilt that comes from boundaries. At the end of the episode, you will have 5 steps to set boundaries with the balance of giving and receiving in relationships.
But, this isn’t just my podcast. I would never be where I am today without you! So, settle in, grab a nice cup of tea, and welcome to another episode of OUR podcast.
Boundaries [02:30]
- “A boundary is a limit or a space between you and the other person, it is a clear place where you begin and the other person ends.” [03:10]
- “The purpose of setting boundaries is to protect and take care of yourself. It is to keep you connected and protected.” [03:30]
- “Sometimes the more you give, the more others expect and the less that they appreciate.” [04:05]
- “When you need something and they are not there or not giving the way that you gave, it is damaging to self-worth.” [04:30]
- Setting boundaries is such an important part of your overall health your well being and your self-worth.” [04:45]
Signs That You Lack Boundaries [05:00]
- “The first is, difficult relationships or relationships with a lot of drama that are very draining.” [05:10]
- “A sign that you lack boundaries is that you hate letting people down.” [05:30]
- “A third sign that you lack boundaries is that you feel responsible for other people’s happiness.” [05:50]
- “The fourth sign that you lack boundaries is that you feel exhausted all the time.” [07:20]
- “Another sign of a lack of boundaries is over or under sharing of information.” [07:45]
- “The last one is that you feel very connected but not protected, you do not feel like you can say no when you need to.”[09:05]
Three Reasons Why We Struggle with Setting Boundaries [10:00]
- First: “If you grew up in a house where there were no boundaries.” [10:05]
- Second: “The second reason why boundaries are hard for you is that our society glorifies self-sacrifice and it pushes that self-care is a luxury.” [14:20]
- Third: “The last reason is having low self-worth. When you have low self-worth it is so appealing to get self-worth externally.” [16:20]
- “One of the biggest boundaries I am working on for 2022 is work boundaries and having a balance between work and my personal life. I want to feel as excited about my personal life as I do about my work-life.” [18:40]
- “We all have limited resources, our external resources are our time, money, and energy. Our internal resources are our attention compassion and vulnerability.” [21:10]
- Quote share: “It is impossible to practice compassion from a place of resentment.” -Brene Brown [22:40]
- “One of our most important human needs is the need to be seen, heard, and valued. That is what makes us truly connected to others and boundaries are such a good way to do that.” [23:15]
- Quote share: “If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.” -Cheryl Richardson[25:20]
Five Ways to Start Setting Boundaries [25:50]
- Step One: “Get clear on the benefits of boundaries.” [26:00]
- Step Two: “Pay yourself first. Plan into your week.” [29:30]
- Step Three: “Set boundaries clearly and compassionately.” [33:20]
- Step Four: “Have mantras.” [37:20]
- Step Five: “The power of pause.” [38:50]
Q+A [40:20]
- “How to identify damaging and negative people in your life? Heal from hurt treatment even when they’re still in your life?”
Book Recommendations:
- The Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown
